Pot Pens – Offensive Crayons

June 16,2024

Phrases include: 4:20 Somewhere It's Cannabis, Not Can'tabis And then I got high It's for medicinal purposes We gotta write this downPlease note: These are regular pens with funny sayings, they do NOT actually contain any pot, CBD, or THC. They're pens..
Includes:

Original Offensive Crayons
Red, White, and Fuck You Edition
Holiday Edition
Porn Pack
Offensive-ISH Edition
Pot Pack

Tired of pretending to laugh at your office Secret Santa's 'funny gifts'? Offensive Crayons are the gag gift for those who understand that humor should have a bite. Ideal for white elephant events that have lost all sense of irony.

Aren’t you tired of coloring with “blue” or “burnt sienna?” Us, too. What you need are Offensive Crayons. Gone are the safe colors like “goldenrod” or “violet.” Now we have “Suspicious Cold Sore Red” and “Privilege” (exclusively for our Caucasian buyers, of course). Say goodbye to your politically correct old color box and welcome this family of blunt, direct and irreverent shades.

24 Assorted Color(s), or at least 22-23 different, since we used the cheapest labor we could find
Non toxic, gluten free (probably), vegan (we think), we might as well call them “organic”
Carefully constructed by, more than likely, a small, underpaid child in China
OUR MONEY BACK GUARANTEE (that they’re actually crayons – no promises for anything else)
Safe for ages 17+ (or whatever, we don’t care)

Product Dimensions (in inches): 2.80 x 3.70 x 1.10

Tired of pretending to laugh at your office Secret Santa's 'funny gifts'? Offensive Crayons are the gag gift for those who understand that humor should have a bite. Ideal for white elephant events that have lost all sense of irony.

SET OF 48 COLORED PENCILS - Pre-sharpened for better stabbingor coloring. We're not liable with what you do with them. Built-in sharpener included.
COLOR NAMES YOU WON'T FIND ELSEWHERE- Blue Waffle, Barely Legal Lime, Mentally Ill Mango, Back to the Fuchsiaand more ridiculous colors you won't believe some factory allowed us to print. Same colors in each box.
CHOOSE YOUR FAVORITE BOX- Only 2,500 Units available of each. Grab your favorite just in case we don't reprint it! (Same colors in each box)
100% Satisfaction Guarantee - That they're actually colored pencils, and not anything else. Functional, sexy, and some would say the best gift you'll ever give someone outside of Plan B.

Tired of pretending to laugh at your office Secret Santa's 'funny gifts'? Offensive Colored Pencils are the gag gift for those who understand that humor should have a bite. Ideal for white elephant events that have lost all sense of irony.

Reflect on the misery that the holiday season brings your life with colors that perfectly compliment it.In the spirit of capitalism, celebrate the season with colors that accurately reflect the awkwardness of the holiday season. We promise this set is a marginally better gift than the $10 Starbucks card you planned to give Janet in accounting.

24 Assorted Color(s), or at least 22-23 different, since we used the cheapest labor we could find
Non toxic, gluten free (probably), vegan (we think), we might as well call them “organic”
Carefully constructed by, more than likely, a small, underpaid child in China (aka. “Santa’s elves”)
OUR MONEY BACK GUARANTEE (that they’re actually crayons – no promises for anything else)

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Phrases include: 4:20 Somewhere It's Cannabis, Not Can'tabis And then I got high It's for medicinal purposes We gotta write this downPlease note: These are regular pens with funny sayings, they do NOT actually contain any pot, CBD, or THC. They're pens. .

Phrases include:

4:20 Somewhere
It's Cannabis, Not Can'tabis
And then I got high
It's for medicinal purposes
We gotta write this down

Please note: These are regular pens with funny sayings, they do NOT actually contain any pot, CBD, or THC. They're pens.

.
Finally, the pen set no one asked for.

5 pens with that clicking thing that will annoy the shit out of your co-workers if you won't stop pressing it.

Phrases include:

That's Not My Job
Per My Last Email
I'm Starting To Feel Sick Tomorrow
This Meeting Could Have Been An Email
Oh, For Fucks Sake

Think your office Secret Santa is as dry as office coffee? Offensive Pens are the adult gag gift that finally graduates from joke school. Perfect as a funny gift for white elephant events that need a real prank, because humor—like novelty—should be hilarious, not harmless.

Frustrated with American politics? Us too. Celebrate with our political edition of Offensive Crayons, where we remind you that both parties are the same, and your vote doesn’t matter unless you happen to control a Super PAC or are a lizard person.

24 Assorted Color(s), or at least 22-23 different, since we used the cheapest labor we could find
Made in a factory with less regulation than the 2nd Amendment
OUR MONEY BACK GUARANTEE (that they’re actually crayons – no promises for anything else)

At the risk of “accidentally” ingesting uranium or being shot multiple times and ruled a suicide, we’re putting out a coloring book as cheap and distasteful as we are.

We’ve taken 30 of history’s dictators and put them in compromising positions only previously accessible to select generals who may or may not have “mysteriously vanished”.

Featuring shades of your questionable life choices and memories you can't quite recall, this pack is perfect for those creative sessions. With colors like Munchies Mango, Peach and Chong, Bong Water Brown, and Lemon Kush, this pack is a vibrant reminder of all those times you said, Just one more hit. Ideal for scribbling in those adult coloring books you swore you'd finish, or for passive-aggressively gifting to that friend who's totally not a stoner.

Elevate your mediocrity to new, hazier heights and remember: It's not a phase, it's a lifestyle.

*Disclaimer: No actual cannabis is included or used in the making of these crayons. But if you're considering buying these, you probably don't need any more.* Always color responsibly.